The End:

The end. Not usually where a story starts, now is it? Well too bad! That’s exactly where I’m starting. Ok, so it was dark, like really, truly dark. In less than a second I had gone from being blinded by the unrelenting summer sun to seeing nothing but the unending darkness at the end of the universe. As I fell, I felt the wind whipping me, cutting my skin like tiny razors dancing through the air. It was a beautiful day, but that didn’t stop it from feeling grey and miserable, like all days. The windows on the building were almost all boarded up. I guess that’s part of why I chose it. The wall was red brick that had been worn by the years. As I fell I could see the room where I had left my things. It’s an odd sensation, feeling your body slip off and suddenly becoming weightless. Nothing stopping you from being pulled down, toward earth. I stood there for nearly ten minutes, trying to cry; but nothing came out. It felt like everything I once was, had been drained.

The handle of the door was a cold steel ball, the door itself a sturdy wood. Mahogany? Cherry maybe? The steps leading up were concrete, a grey amalgam of rock and water. It was cold on my feet but I didn’t want to waste a brand new pair of shoes. Funny what seems to matter just moments before the end. The elevator ride wasn’t very long, but it still somehow felt like it took an eternity. The doors to the elevator were a rusted metal that had scrapes and scratches. The inside, I inferred, had only been saved because of the key. The elevator was one of those old ones that required a key. The kind someone would stand in and ask, “Which floor?” The building wasn’t expensive but it wasn’t cheap either. Luckily the money wouldn’t matter for much longer; and besides, I was leaving something behind. The buttons were still pristine but they stuck a little when I, for what was probably the first time in decades, pushed them.

 The lobby of the building looked like it used to be, long ago, a nice building. The couches were all fine leather stuffed with real feathers. However the tears and stains prevented them from making the room feel like anywhere someone would want to be. The entrance to the building was a pair of large, glass doors with a metal frame. The fact that they hadn’t been shattered was incredible to me; although I knew it must be because the doors were never locked. The drive to the building was odd, in a way that was all too familiar. It felt like someone else was pushing the pedals and shifting the gears. I was merely a passenger being taken to my final destination. Leaving that morning wasn’t any different, despite what I knew was coming.

 I kissed Lee-Anne, hugged the kids, and headed off. Maybe I should have told her. Maybe she could have helped me. The nightmares had been worse that night. I saw visions of my family, not dying but living on without me. They were happy, the happiest I’d ever seen them, in fact. I knew that the dreams weren’t real. they would be sad. They would cry, they would mourn, but still, it felt almost selfish. Seeing the dreams but continuing to live anyway, when there was a chance that maybe they might finally be happy enough if I just… let go. I stepped out the door, got in the car and drove off. I refused to think about where I was going. I would just drive until I got there. I stepped into the building, seeing the lobby in ruin. I stepped toward the disgusting elevator and forced in the key. As the doors closed behind me I got, for the first time in a while, a sense of assuredness. I finally knew what was going to happen, and I was in control. 

As I stepped onto the roof, the sun beamed down on me, giving a slight warmth to the walk to the edge. I got to the precipice and stepped up, turning and taking a breath. As I lost control, I finally felt at peace, if only for a moment. That peace, however, quickly turned to fear and pain. I thought back on every single moment I had spent with her. How the kids would grow up alone. How much I’d let them down. it was terrifying. Before I could even begin to understand these feelings, my two hundred and twelve pound body slammed into the pavement. The last things I felt were fear and pain that could never be explained. Every bone in my spine, all my ribs, my skull, and the hearts of those who loved me. I had done the only thing I could, truly, never take back. The End.

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