Storm

 

“Turn once, just once, look at my eyes for a second, you will see the truth.” My heart was talking for Wylie, the corner of my eyes were monitoring his movement, his smiles. Smiles! none of which were real.

 

I could say that he didn’t wanna be here, in front of me smiling and giggling like that, he was forced by Ivan. Oh! Ivan, you have no idea how much I hate you, you never will. Hatred is more poisonous when it’s stored with care in heart, that’s what I am doing. I so wanna kill you but that would be just too sweet of me. I no wanna sweet kill ya! I wanna kill ya every single day. I wanna give ya real, real pain, Slowly and beautifully. Hold on though! I’ll kill you with utmost care and affection.

 

I looked at Noah, he understands me the best. Noah knew about my problem and my relationship with Wylie, the rest two of my friends did not have any idea of me being with Wylie for three years. He knew I wanted to grab Wylie. We saw Isaac, our duty teacher walking up, we were bunking class. I cued Noah to move Rhea and Niall from here showing Isaac as a reason. There are two things to know about him, 1. He is a counselor. 2. He does the perfect job of a security guard of this school, he runs after the students to check if they are bunking class. So much labor for promotion!

 

We all ran away from there, we created a big scene there, throwing crackers over Isaac. He was distracted pretty well and I went to Wylie. But what do I tell him! I was so scared and confused and angry. This mixture is very weird and extremely painful.

-“Hey, umm I need to talk to you. It’s been three weeks since we started fighting and I think it’s the time to stop it.”

 

-“What? Doesn’t Ivan talk to you now? Didn’t he reply you or he doesn’t call you? Which one? Done with sending voice messages and cute faces to each other? Or did he turn you down? “

 

I got so freaking mad!. “Hey, shut the fuck up dude? You don’t know what you are talking about and I didn’t know that he’ll remain a snake after so long, I didn’t intend to entice him or anything, I thought he’ll help me out regarding you. He had the idea of me being in a relationship but with whom he doesn’t know”

 

-“How can you talk to your ex regarding your personal problems? He knows about us, damn it! He played with your feelings twice but according to him the third time wasn’t a lie and you humiliated him and later he found out about you and me, so it’s very natural to trigger him. I’m his friend so he won’t boss around with me. He fantasizes over you, he is just obsessed.”

 

-“ I didn’t know that he will do this, I thought he was over that insult and we did equal to each other. Then I shared some of the problems with him, I didn’t mention your name. He made up a lot of things when he spoke to you. Did you understand that?”

 

-“Yes I did. I know you won’t cheat on me but I felt bad when he used to refer to you as “A LOVED ONE” and prioritizing him. I hated it but he showed it in such a way that you seem culprit to me.I know you but I had this anger I wanted you to confront me.I’m sorry as well, I shouldn’t have flown away with his words.”

 

He actually hugged me and everything seemed beautiful. All the broken pieces of my heart was put to place. I suddenly saw Noah watching us, I felt bad for him. I knew that he loved me, even the rude, mean and harsh side of me still he supported and helped me in every way to get Wylie back. I thanked him, he smiled to me and left that place. I closed my eyes and stayed in Wylie’s arms, I could smell his fragrance, it was as intoxicating as alcohol; probably more to me. The smell and the pressure he used to hug me soothed me. I felt I was so safe there, it felt so peaceful.

 

I and Wylie thought of hanging out in the coffee shop after a week of sorting everything out. I was the happiest person alive that time. I had the guy I loved, I had my friends who loved me, I had my dream scholarship, my parents were happy about that and just as when everything was so perfect, Ivan had to barge in. Wylie came down and asked me a lot of stuffs, about Ivan too and the conversation started to spice up gradually, I started to get scared, I could feel my nerve wracking, I waited for the disaster to happen. He started to ask me that if it was true that Ivan proposed to me. I knew Ivan won’t let me put out the fire. He threw butter in Wylie’s sparking heart and how could possibly a date go wrong than this.

 

-“Yes, he did proposed to me but why’d I tell you that? So that you take an axe and start cutting him? I really didn’t want you to know this because this was a very small issue and I turned him down, everytime he asked me.”

 

-“Ooho so he asked you multiple times? You should’ve told me. I deserve to know. And I was deprived of my right many times. But this time was just too much.”

 

His voice was broken, I could see the sadness in his eyes, trying to hide.

 

I started crying like a child. He was totally stunned, he didn’t know how to cool me, I was freaking out and crying. He was held me in his arms like a baby.

 

-“Calm down dear, it’s not your fault, I was angry on him and I am, it’s just that we’ve been friends for a long time and I can’t just ruin that. It’s just that I expect to know everything from you rather than from other people who over do the small matter.”

 

-“I really didn’t wanna mess up again after three weeks of fight, I’d have told you after some time but just not so soon. But I did turn him down everytime he asked me.”

 

I was crying badly, he was desperate to cool me down. I was just not listening to anything and he needed to stop me from cursing myself. Suddenly he kissed me, I was unable to speak, my eyes were wide open at first and then closed. He hugged me and whispered in my ears, “You are very precious to me and I’d never leave you for jerks like Ivan, I never would. I trust you and I love you, so stop cursing my love.” I tasted coffee in my lips, it was a kiss.

 

Posted: November 28th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Life In a Year

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – I took this too extremely to my nerves. I haven’t been the old, boring me since I got an exchange scholarship. To me it felt like a dream come true, but to some people it felt like their life getting shattered. “It’s my life, my choice,” I told my parents. My selection took 10 months of evaluation. I remember, the first evaluation results came out and my mom was looking up if I made it to the second stage or not. She couldn’t find my name, I bursted out crying. My mom didn’t care about it that much, she just told me, “Don’t lose hope, Allah does everything for good,” Yet she searched for the second time and found my name. I saw a ray of hope, I might be one of those 27 among 1500 to get a scholarship, get to change my life for good, experience self-dependence, and get to make a new family. After each evaluation I’d come out of the halls and panic, “I’m just done, can’t qualify further, I fucked up the interview and the test, I think I messed up in section 2.” My younger brother’s reply to that was, He believed on me so much that he gave me a treat for getting a scholarship even though I said that. He’d be like, “Pack your bags to go to America, you are definitely making it.”

I did qualify to the finals but I faced problems that made my life turn to a turbulence of storm. I had 4 months left in my hand to choose whether to go behind my dreams or let my life lose. I spoke to my host family, they were lovely people. But there were people around me who were not very lovely, and to name their category, the gossip ladies of school. I heard comments be like, “That’s it, and she doesn’t have the ability to go further than that.” “I can write out that she won’t be qualifying, she is definitely not strong.” Yeah I heard and tolerated all of these for 10 months, especially the last 4 months, “Are her parents lunatic? How are they letting her even think of missing a year of high school to go to America all by herself?” “She will be ruined, over smart kid.” Pairing me up with a guy romantically who was my friend and saying mean stuffs about us. I smelt burning, every time I heard them vilipending me. They were burning themselves. I could feel the heat on my skin. Burning skin has a charcoal like smell, while setting gossip on fire produces a sulfurous odor. But there were some people who never stopped believing in me. One of my seniors in school told me about not making it to the finals and that he would feel he got the opportunity if I make it to be exchange student. He never stopped believing in me, acted as my strength. My friends from the start told me, “Don’t worry so much, start learn cooking for your family, we will live the experience through your experience.”

They believed, I had a lot of blessings but I had uncountable amount of people to curse me. I don’t know what their grudge was on me. But they cursed, haters hated. I had to work. I had to fight, even with my own mother. Gossip ladies manipulated my mother, she was more than scared already, and she had enough thoughts about letting her young daughter come to America all on her own. At a point she asked me to decline the scholarship. My life seem to come to an end, I actually felt a tingling sensation in my heart. I had to work on her, to manage the atmosphere outside and inside my own house. I had to watch my words so that I don’t start a rapid fire session with my mother. I won’t say she wasn’t happy, she was the proudest woman alive that time but the Potters outside molded her in such a way that she didn’t want to take a risk. Those 4 months my eyes suffered a different kind of pain every night. Never thought getting something so valuable would change my relationship with my mother. I was stuck in a maze, I knew the way out but that made me feel there was no way out. I’d never been this confused even in a math test. A lot of the times mom didn’t talk to me, I screamed on her, we fought during dinner. I was hurt, I couldn’t blame my mom, dad always tried to confront her, and “The girl who doesn’t even want to pour a glass of water on her own will manage a year in America? Are you crazy?” my father would stare at my teary eyes.

Every word that came out of their dead fishy smelling mouth stung me. They made me seem like a worthless in front of my mother, said creepy stuffs to my teachers. I just guess they had way too much concern for me getting wasted, or probably it was their longing. Either they had a cringe level of love for me or a grave deep jealousy for me getting something that I longed. I remember my last day of school my mom asked me multiple times to ASK FOR BLESSINGS FROM THE SCORNING PEOPLE. I’m like, “Are you insane or something? Don’t you remember them disparaging me, making the last 4 months a havoc? Trust me, they won’t bless me or anything, would surely curse me.” And there I pissed her off again, just before leaving. During this conversation of me and my mom, the corner of my eye saw the EVIL LADIES staring at us from a safe distance, but I stayed erect on my words, “ No, I won’t speak.”

Time came for me to fly. My mother told me the night before my flight, “You still have time, you don’t have to do this, and no one is forcing you.” I forced myself. Woke up the next  morning with lovely messages from my senior who never failed to strengthen me, my friend waiting for me in the airport amidst the rain, my heart crying and laughing for what I am leaving behind and what I was about to get. It took a lot of courage to pack a bag and walk out of the house smiling and getting on a plane.

I haven’t been the old, boring me since I got an exchange scholarship. To me it felt like a dream come true, but to some people it felt like their life getting shattered. “It’s my life, my choice,” I told my parents. My selection took 10 months of evaluation. I remember, the first evaluation results came out and my mom was looking up if I made it to the second stage or not. She couldn’t find my name, I bursted out crying. My mom didn’t care about it that much, she just told me, “Don’t lose hope, Allah does everything for good,” Yet she searched for the second time and found my name. I saw a ray of hope, I might be one of those 27 among 1500 to get a scholarship, get to change my life for good, experience self-dependence, and get to make a new family. After each evaluation I’d come out of the halls and panic, “I’m just done, can’t qualify further, I fucked up the interview and the test, I think I messed up in section 2.” My younger brother’s reply to that was, He believed on me so much that he gave me a treat for getting a scholarship even though I said that. He’d be like, “Pack your bags to go to America, you are definitely making it.”

I did qualify to the finals but I faced problems that made my life turn to a turbulence of storm. I had 4 months left in my hand to choose whether to go behind my dreams or let my life lose. I spoke to my host family, they were lovely people. But there were people around me who were not very lovely, and to name their category, the gossip ladies of school. I heard comments be like, “That’s it, and she doesn’t have the ability to go further than that.” “I can write out that she won’t be qualifying, she is definitely not strong.” Yeah I heard and tolerated all of these for 10 months, especially the last 4 months, “Are her parents lunatic? How are they letting her even think of missing a year of high school to go to America all by herself?” “She will be ruined, over smart kid.” Pairing me up with a guy romantically who was my friend and saying mean stuffs about us. I smelt burning, every time I heard them vilipending me. They were burning themselves. I could feel the heat on my skin. Burning skin has a charcoal like smell, while setting gossip on fire produces a sulfurous odor. But there were some people who never stopped believing in me. One of my seniors in school told me about not making it to the finals and that he would feel he got the opportunity if I make it to be exchange student. He never stopped believing in me, acted as my strength. My friends from the start told me, “Don’t worry so much, start learn cooking for your family, we will live the experience through your experience.”

They believed, I had a lot of blessings but I had uncountable amount of people to curse me. I don’t know what their grudge was on me. But they cursed, haters hated. I had to work. I had to fight, even with my own mother. Gossip ladies manipulated my mother, she was more than scared already, and she had enough thoughts about letting her young daughter come to America all on her own. At a point she asked me to decline the scholarship. My life seem to come to an end, I actually felt a tingling sensation in my heart. I had to work on her, to manage the atmosphere outside and inside my own house. I had to watch my words so that I don’t start a rapid fire session with my mother. I won’t say she wasn’t happy, she was the proudest woman alive that time but the Potters outside molded her in such a way that she didn’t want to take a risk. Those 4 months my eyes suffered a different kind of pain every night. Never thought getting something so valuable would change my relationship with my mother. I was stuck in a maze, I knew the way out but that made me feel there was no way out. I’d never been this confused even in a math test. A lot of the times mom didn’t talk to me, I screamed on her, we fought during dinner. I was hurt, I couldn’t blame my mom, dad always tried to confront her, and “The girl who doesn’t even want to pour a glass of water on her own will manage a year in America? Are you crazy?” my father would stare at my teary eyes.

Every word that came out of their dead fishy smelling mouth stung me. They made me seem like a worthless in front of my mother, said creepy stuffs to my teachers. I just guess they had way too much concern for me getting wasted, or probably it was their longing. Either they had a cringe level of love for me or a grave deep jealousy for me getting something that I longed. I remember my last day of school my mom asked me multiple times to ASK FOR BLESSINGS FROM THE MEAN PEOPLE. I’m like, “Are you insane or something? Don’t you remember them disparaging me, making the last 4 months a havoc? Trust me, they won’t bless me or anything, would surely curse me.” And there I pissed her off again, just before leaving. During this conversation of me and my mom, the corner of my eye saw the MEAN GANG staring at us from a safe distance, but I stayed erect on my words, “ No, I won’t speak.”

Time came for me to fly. My mother told me the night before my flight, “You still have time, you don’t have to do this, and no one is forcing you.” I forced myself. Woke up the next  morning with lovely messages from my senior who never failed to strengthen me, my friend waiting for me in the airport amidst the rain, my heart crying and laughing for what I am leaving behind and what I was about to get. It took a lot of courage to pack a bag and walk out of the house smiling and getting on a plane.

 

Posted: November 21st, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

In His Eyes

 

 

In the first sight of yours,

What magic you’ve done,

Snatched my heart for you;

I don’t know what’s about to happen,

Come let’s live this moment together.

 

Your thirst gave me reckless moments,

There’s dejection brimmed clouds over me,

You don’t know my state,

Something is happening, everything stopped.,

The river of despair is flowing here from the berg of my soul.

 

You are here, I want to be with you

Come to my arms, come on now.

O my love, let both worlds mingle together.

Come to arms and forget now,

                                                 Forget shying, raise the eyes, meet mine.                                                                                     

 

Baby I love you so much.

Every prayer on my lip has your name;

Passing moments became my enemy now

My heart needs you to beat, for my life;

You flow like whiskey in my veins.

 

When I got you, I lost somewhere:

I have a craze of endearment in my mind

I’ve submerged in these new colors of your love,

Rest in my arms like day does in evening’s.

Come let’s relish this moment together.

 

Posted: November 21st, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Mysterious sea

 

The sea embraces,

Heals me by her mystic beauty,

Hides her deadly demon.

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Love again

Promising new desire,

Hoping for a second chance,

Love shines in my eyes.

 

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Cherry

 

Red cherry blossoms,

Waves bang on the hot sea shore,

My blue eyes shimmer.

 

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Colors

I freaking love nail polish, absolutely nothing’s wrong with that. I can love nail polish, all those bright pop of colors in mt colorful life. Who wouldn’t want that? But when I put them on my nails, people look at me like a alien. As if I’m from Mars or Pluto. I bet they won’t even look at aliens like the way they look at me. I really love wearing lipstick, I wear them to school. People keep staring at me. I feel like telling them, “Can’t you just stop doing that? I don’t look like an animal, I’m just a human.” Then there’s dance! Something I hold so so close to my heart. When i dance, my body just doesn’t move, my soul dances, it paints my emotion, talks for me.  Seems like a rose slowly, stealthily falling to the ground, one of those rare beauties. Just like a turtle walking through the air, one of those wonderful moments of which you could only think of. Grace, poise, delicacy, seduction, the stuffs you won’t find in those French dancers. I also love wearing shorts, crop tops and those skinny jeans like you people wear. Look at yourselves before laughing at me! You’re more revealed than me, definitely very much more than I am. I don’t have a million piercing on my face and body. I just have three, ears and nose. I don’t look weird, I don’t have an extra nose or lip. Then why do you people look at me like that? Why don’t I get the respect like they do? Why am I expected to hang out with males? I’m not as hard as them. I’m very soft, delicate, colorful, playful. Just like the rainbow up there playing with those raindrops. But here I’m being pricked by my own kind. They laugh and giggle about me. Why? Is it because they think I’m more beautiful than them or is it because I’m born in the body of a man?

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Rose

I’ll tell you what,

Lust of greedy people,

Facts about the selfish ones,

Salivation of the hungry beasts,

All those thirsty eyes contemplating at you.

 

They can’t stand the beauty,

Of the rose.

Cull the polished piece of bloom,

Cramp the leaves,

Tear the gleaming, fiery petals.

But look out! Don’t go to my pedestal,

You’ll prick yourself

Now look what you made me do,

What’s more pure?

My red hue or your stinking, filthy blood?

 

I’ll tell you more,

Your touch makes me impure, I feel dead.

Look at your greed,

You know the bloodshed to touch me

You want my taste and you are ready to bleed.

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Twinkle Twinkle Big Stars

In the moonlight night,

I lie down staring black sky,

Gazing at the stars,

Light overruled darkness here,

Shadows moving through my eyes.

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.

Branches of Beauty

To be very honest, this road ahead is mystery

Look at that path, all shiny and blistery,

Is that the fault of snow?

If that’s so, I want that to blow,

 

Can you ask those flakes to fly for me?

I won’t ask anything else from you, that’s my only plea.

I want them to land on my cheeks,

Flow through my tear creek.

 

Hug me perhaps, dear branches of beauty?

Or show me a little more pity.

I want to see the secrets of your love.

I want to feel the hefty shove.

Posted: November 8th, 2018 under Uncategorized - No Comments.