Fiction

Golden Path

In the fall of 2017, I enrolled in a Child Development class. It was such a fun class. I really enjoyed taking care of the kids and had fun with them. I always wanted to teach since I was a kid. I always think, as long as I can teach, I am happy with that.  My goal was to see my students succeed in their goals. That’s all I wanted. I didn’t care if I ever get a big house or a Ferrari; who needs them when you can live your life the simplest but happiest way?

Here’s why I wanted to be a teacher. I remembered when I was a student in one famous middle school in Thailand. It was so hot  that the sun felt like it burned every human at school by 8 A.M. Every student would sit quietly waiting for the teacher to come in and collect their homework. Those students who didn’t have the homework  knew the teacher would ask them to tighten their uniforms and come right up in front of the class. Without hesitating, the teacher would quickly punish the kids who didn’t have their work. The sound of the stick hitting the uniform was loud enough to make kids in the room softly whisper, “ OOOU….OUCH!” After the punishment had been given, it was time for the next lesson.

Everyday was exactly the same, over and over again.  We studied until our souls were crying for a break, but the teachers didn’t give a damn! They wouldn’t listen to the students no matter what. They all would say,  “ No work, no excuse. No no no! I don’t want to hear about that, just turn around and get this…..whack!” as if it was the slogan of the school.

My experience was the same. I never wanted to go to school when I was in Thailand because I didn’t want to get whacked or yelled at every morning until the end of the day. The teachers would whack me for not doing homework, and it just made me feel like I had an option for not doing homework, because no matter what, I would get whacked  anyway. They didn’t like to see many errors on your papers, and I would get whacked almost everyday for simple errors. That’s why I always skipped the classes and didn’t want to be at school. The classes were really boring, especially when the teachers hated their job. Some of them didn’t want to be a teacher, but they had no other option. Most of the kids would fall asleep and we would get yelled at or shamed. It was embarrassing, trust me. I experienced that before. That’s probably why I have such aggressive behavior; I think I got it from my last school in Thailand. Once I came to the US, it all changed.  I really enjoy going to school. I love coming to school everyday without being lazy. Most of the teachers are really understanding and friendly. They want most of their students to get good grades and be successful.

My main influencer is my Advisory teacher, Rebecca. I had her since I was a freshman. From the first time I saw her, I knew she is a really strong, independent woman who can help me get through my four years of high school. She has helped me with the school and my personal problems for three years. What she is doing right now really influences me about her career, helping the kids that need more help and supporting them to get through their high school lives. Her goals and my goals are really similar, that is, seeing the kids strive to be successful no matter how hard the work is. She is a supporter who will push you when you need help. She is one of the best teachers at South.

Throwback, I once worked as an assistant teacher at the Eco Kids Village. But before I got that job, I was in Child Development class, which trained me to be a good assistant teacher. That class taught me how to recognize when the kids have problems, how to talk to the kids, how to make them feel safe and trust you when you were with them.

It was last summer of 2018, I was working in a big house that was considered a preschool. That was my first job being an assistant teacher. On a bright warm day in the life skills’ room, ten kids playing cooking, sewing, doing math or reading a book, they saw me walk in, and they quickly asked their teacher Sarah,  “ T-T-T- teacher Sarah, who is that girl? Is she a new student?”

Sarah laughed as if it were a joke told by a young comedian, “ Hahahahahaha! No kiddo, that’s our new teacher, her name is Pookie. Please say hi to her.”

The kids look at each other excitedly and said, “ HI!!! TEACHER POOKIE!” After I saw them greet me fully welcome to class, I saw one boy, sitting in the corner with his arm wrapped around himself.

Curious, I directly walked to him and greeted him with my sweet little voice, “ Hi, do you want do some coloring with your friends over there?”

He looked up and replied to me with his grumpy face, “No! Leave me alone. I hate everyone.” That kid surprised me because no one in the room seemed to have the same behavior as him. Soon, after Sarah heard that kid yell, she came and grabbed him away. She told me that he needed to work on his manners, and she said that it had been really hard to train him because his mom is a drug dealer and she doesn’t care if her kid has an attitude. After I heard that, I focused on building a good relationship with him, but I failed so many times until one day, he stopped being rude to me. After lunch time, he came up to me and asked, “ Can you please read a book for me and lay with me?” The other two teachers looked at me surprisingly because he never acted like that before.

I replied with a giant smile, “ Of course, Yes!”

After I finished reading a book, he hugged me and mumbled softly,

“ I love you because you love me, and the others don’t.” I was shocked when he said that but I tried to reply quietly because the other kids were taking a nap,

“ No they don’t! They love you as much as I love you!”  He looked at me with suspicious eyes,

“ But why don’t they talk to me when I do something wrong? They always put me in a peaceful chair and leave me alone. I don’t like that!” I was imagining  his feeling when he got left out of the class and it did make sense to me because that’s the only way he could get people’s attentions. I totally understand his deep down feelings and how sad it was to feel left out. That kid was not trying to be rude but the environment had treated him wrong.

At the end of the day, I asked my boss if we could have a meeting about that boy and she agreed. At the meeting, people were sitting around the table, ready to discuss about the boy. One teacher gave her opinion: “ Should we keep him? He showed many of our kids bad stuff. I have been putting him off so many times.”

I replied quickly without thinking it might sound a little bit rude,“ We should give him a try! I feel like he was acting like that because most of the time we would put him in a chair and leave him without sitting and talk through problems. And that’s what make him feel left out and he was begging for the teachers’ attention by being rude.”

The teachers discussed quietly next to each other after I made my point. My boss asked,

“ And how do you know this was the right point?”

I replied, “ Because he mentioned it without me asking after I  finished reading him a book this afternoon. I feel like if we give him more attention and love that would solve  this problem. And having a meeting with his mom would be helpful to both of his family and our school.”

Everybody write down something on the papers, then my boss said, “ I agreed with your idea… I will put that on a Saturday’s meeting list. Thank you for your suggestion. Let’s end this meeting and go home.”

I went home feeling worry free after most of the teachers and my boss agreed with me, except for the one teacher that seemed to not like that kid and tried to get him out. Either way, I saved that kid from getting kicked out, and got to know what was going on deep inside of him. From that experience,it really inspired me to be a counselor teacher. It is such an adventure to figure out the problems, to try to fix the problems, and to give them love and educate them as much as I can. I couldn’t think of any other job that would make  me want to wake up every morning and go to work with happiness!

Psychedelic

                                                                               Psychedelic.   

   My decision, my choice. I love an adventure, but how could it be an adventure without fear and danger? Flashback when I was a senior in high school. I dated one guy. His name was Mason.  Everybody thought he was pure and innocent, but no one knew his dark side. Except me. I knew everything about him. We used to be so close together, but once he moved we didn’t really talk anymore. I knew one thing that he would never forget is about our “ history”, and neither would I. We had an intense summer together that both of us will never forget until our souls leave our bodies…

   It was a glorious summer day. I met Mason at his house. He was getting ready to take me on an adventure. Not a physical adventure, but a mental one. He prepped the ‘shrooms and we were ready to roll. As soon as he handed the ‘shrooms to me, I said, “Babe, I’m scared. I’ve never done this before.”

Mason replied back with a soft, calm voice, “Babe, it’ll be ok. I’m right here if you need me.”

   After the conversation settled down, I quickly ate the magic mushrooms and got ready for what would come next. The time was running by. I saw a wavy rainbow rug. The creepy, indescribable sounds came in and out of my ears. It was really intense; I couldn’t handle it. What should I do? I couldn’t handle my feelings. The feelings of jealousy, fear, love, pain, and past. Thousands of stories were being projected in my head as if I were in the theater. I was in an intensely mixed emotional state of mind. Soon I gave up. Instead of fighting back, I accepted and appreciated everything that I was experiencing. We let our bodies be free and let our minds fall into psychedelic imagination.

   Suddenly my phone reminded me that my period had not come in three months. My heart dropped to the ground. My mind went blank. I couldn’t see my future if I had another life living inside of me. I went to the bathroom to take a deep breath before I decided to tell Mason. I was afraid, but I knew I couldn’t handle it by myself. I couldn’t talk to anyone except him. I tried to make it to the bed, but my body was shivering like the lava that was about to explode. When Mason saw me on the ground, he got up and took me to the bed. He asked, “ What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Please tell me!”  

   I looked at him, and all of the sudden my tears stormed off of my eyes, “ Babe, my period hasn’t come in three months… I’m so stupid as fuck…. If that night I didn’t let my body control me, this would never have happened.”

   His face froze. He went blank for a second, but I know he was listening. I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was I’m still on the psychedelic. I didn’t know what happened  next, but we were at the pharmacy already. He walked directly to the counter and asked for the plan B pill. The pharmacist explained, “ This pill works best five days after sex. If your period does not come in two weeks, please check in with the hospital.” After she said that, I got even more worried. It had been six days that we kept having sex without a condom. I felt lost. My future, my life, my career. All disappeared.

   The next  day began, but I wasn’t ready for it. I really wanted to stop everything and start it all over. There was nothing I could have done. All the pressure was attacking me; I felt like it was happening inside of me. There was a big storm destroying my happiness. I looked through the window and saw a bong packed with half of the leftover weed that I did with Mason last night. I lit it up like I wanted my life to be. I took a couple hits until I couldn’t think of anything else. I was laughing, but I could feel the tears were all over my face.  I had a dream where I saw a blonde haired baby run into me. He hugged me tightly, and said, “ I love you, Mommy.”

   I jumped up from the bed, and yelled, “ NOOOO!”  My mom and dad rushed to knock on my door, panicky to see if I was ok. I told them I was fine.  It was just a nightmare ( I hoped ), so they didn’t have to come into my room. I went into the bathroom and sat in the hot steamy water. I let the water run over my body to calm me down. After that, I put on my clothes, ready to get some fresh air outside. As I stepped out from my house, I saw Mason park his car, waiting for me.

   He said, “ Hey, come in the car.” I didn’t ask him where he was planning to take me, but I went in anyway. It was silent. The only thing I heard was the sound of the wind blowing through my hair as Mason drove at high speed. He stopped the car in front of a hospital, and said, “ Alright, are you ready to take the test?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I nodded. An hour later, the doctor came out with the result.

   He smiled at me and said, “ Here is your re…” I was so nervous and panic that it make me ran out the door before the doctor could finish his sentence. I was crying in the car until I could not feel my face anymore. I was thinking that I wish I could just disappeared  without anyone noticing. But was that really going to solve this problem? Or did I have to keep running away from the truth?

Five minutes later, Mason came back to the car with the result paper. He asked me,

“ Why did you run away from the doctor? Did you hear the result yet? ”

I  accidentally yelled back at him as loud as I could,

“ I knew it, I knew it was positive!!! ”

“ Can you just calm down and listen?”

I didn’t say anything, but I knew I was mad when he told me that.

“ You are not pregnant you little attitude girl! And, next time make sure you listen to the doctor before you freak out, ok?”

He reached to my body and hugged me tightly. Soon, a big giant smile appeared on my face with some tears on it. I still remembered how relieved I felt when I heard that. I was really glad that I did create another life while I could not talk care of it.

   From that experience,  I matured a lot in a short time. It taught me to make the right decision and be more careful about having sex. One mistake, and that can change your life. I hope my story might help teenagers these days prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Just keep in mind that you’re probably not going to be that lucky girl next time!