Kiwi White

Hopes Not Answered

“Jenny, I’m back!” Jenny heard Beth say. “I lost my way trying to bring the boat back in to the harbor, but I’m here now!” Beth ran toward Jenny, and the two greeted each other with a big hug.

“Don’t scare me like that” Jenny half said half cried to Beth. “I was really worried about you.” That was that. Simple, over and done with. Except that was not reality. Reality was all too different. It had been over a week since Beth Anderson had failed to return after taking her family’s small motor boat out one night to go fishing.  It just so happened that Beth Anderson was a friend of Jenny’s. Her best friend, in fact.

Jenny lived in Bar Harbor, Maine. A town of barely five thousand people, not much happened. In Bar Harbor, you fished, or worked to attract the wealthy out of towners to come and pretend to fish. Either way, life revolved around the harbor. At that particular moment, Jenny Had been daydreaming while sitting on one of the many wooden docks that dotted the shore of Bar Harbor. It was a Saturday morning and the sun was just beginning to creep over the horizon. A blanket of fog covered the relatively calm water and old buildings that lined the harbor in a mysterious gray hue. It wasn’t too long ago that Jenny had sat in this same spot with Beth. The two of them would often spend their free time there, as there was not much else to do. That morning, however, Jenny was alone. She pulled her sleeves over her hands and tried to sink as far into her one size too large sweatshirt as she possibly could. It was all becoming too much. She felt like a bomb ready to explode. As small as the town was, everyone knew Beth, and thus, everyone knew that Jenny was Beth’s best friend. Everywhere she went, people watched Jenny go by with eyes that wanted to ask if Jenny was okay, but were too scared. Jenny’s parents weren’t much better. They tried to give her space, but Jenny could tell that both her mother and her father were questioning what effect the whole thing was having on their daughter. Beth’s disappearance had gone over in a similar way. People expressed concern, wanted to help, but not much actually happened.

Deep in thought, Jenny began walking along the lengths of the dock, making the old wooden boards creek as she went. She didn’t pretend to know how to find Beth, if she was alive even, but she hated how no one even wanted to try. Had the local authorities given up? Had Beth’s parents just accepted that they would never find their daughter? Jenny continued to meander down the length of the dock. Eventually she found herself at her father’s fishing boat. Had she walked there on purpose? The thought came into her head, but she pushed it away. At first. She knew what her parents would say, that it was too dangerous. Other boats had gone out to try and find Beth and found nothing. But Jenny needed to do something. Sitting around and waiting was no longer enough. Walking over the platform leading to the boat, Jenny checked to see if anyone was around. Her only company were the few seagulls waddling along the dock. Now was the time. Jenny had accompanied her dad a few times when he went out to catch mackerel, so she knew how to start the boat. Except she didn’t have the keys. Jenny walked into the boat’s cabin and began looking around. Her dad had mentioned how sometimes he left an extra key for the boat hidden, but never told Jenny where. She checked the cabinets along the cabin walls. Nothing turned up. She flipped up the electrical panels and opened up the hood that hid the mechanics of the controls, but no keys ever surfaced. Not until she turned around and noticed a small panel above the doorway. She opened it, and there were the extra keys.

Snatching the keys, Jenny moved over to the bridge. Her hands were shaking, and she fumbled the keys as she tried to fit them into the keyhole. Was she really going to do this? She twisted the keys and felt the boat shake as its engine came to life. She had to be quick, as the noise would probably alert others of her actions. She pushed forward on the accelerator and tried to steer the boat out of the harbor but bumped a few boats and posts along the way. Looking out over the now blue horizon, Jenny took a deep breath. She was still shaking. Why was she doing this? What more could she do that countless police and civilian boats had not? That was what the rational Jenny said. But in that moment, Jenny ignored her rational self and continued moving forward. Beth was out there somewhere, and Jenny knew it. As the waves grew larger and the ocean spray became stronger, Jenny looked back at the slowly shrinking town.

It was just her and the hum of the engine now. She thought back to the day Beth had gone out to fish, and tried to remember if she had said anything about where she was going. She knew Beth sometimes fished by herself to make some extra money, but as to where, nothing came to mind. The waves were still growing, and the rolling motions were making Jenny’s stomach turn. It had become difficult to steer and the wind screamed past Jenny, scolding her. Where was she going? Jenny stared blankly out ahead of her, not noticing the heavy wet tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to find Beth so, so badly. But how could she? She gripped the helm of the boat for support, afraid of crumbling under the weight of her thoughts. She knew Beth might not ever be found, at this point, probably wouldn’t be. All the pain, all the sleepless nights, all the hopes crushed by each extra day with nothing new came out then. “ Why are you doing this to me?” Jenny screamed at no one in particular. “What am I supposed to do?” Jenny sunk to the floor and held her head in her hands, leaving the boat running. She wouldn’t have cared if she got swept out to sea right then. “Where are you, Beth” she choked. How long she sat there, Jenny didn’t know. Eventually, she pulled herself up, one piece at a time, and took the helm of the boat once more. She was farther out from the land now and it would likely take the rest of the day to get back. It was useless. Wanting something to happen wasn’t enough. Her hopes were not some magical force that could bring Beth back. Taking one last look at the vast stretch of water before her, she spun the helm and turned the boat back towards Bar Harbor.