distraction
I love this feeling
How you kiss, your love, your touch
Its not that simple
You already have someone
Im just your distraction now
November 8, 2018
lust
Lust is not a emotion
Its a deadly sin
Treating someone with the actions of love
But cutting out the love
When you touch her like that she thinks about a future with you
All you think about is when you can touch again
I dont want your lust
But I crave your love
neigbourhood
Im screaming “call 911, my brothers shot, please help me!” I’m watching the blood flow like a waterfall. I don’t know what to do… “everything is going to be ok,” I say to myself. But in my head, I don’t know if he’s going to make it.
I’ve always dreamed of living in a big house in the hills with a view of the city, but my reality is living in the skid row neighborhood in LA. 54 blocks of nothing but homelessness and gangs. I Live in a one bedroom apartment with my mom and my brother Ricky. My dad was always a big part of my life until couple days ago. My dad was a part of the 38th Street gang, he went to prison before I was born and got out when I was seven. Ever since then I was daddy’s little girl. It was hard for dad to get a real job because he was a convicted felon but that didn’t stop him from supporting our family. But here is how dad was the glue to our family, until a few days ago.
My dad would typically come home every night, and if wasn’t he would always call. But four days ago it was different no sign of him, no call, nothing it was like he disappeared into thin air. Three days go by mom filled out a missing person report which does no good because there are thousands of people missing or hiding. Hiding– I started thinking maybe dad just disappeared and left but what was he running from or who? The morning of the fourth day my family and I had a rude awaking, It sounded like a gunshot and not the normal ones we hear in the distance but right in our welcome mat. I struggled to push Ricky out of the way he was blocking the door. I managed to get the door open. as soon as I opened the door I coudn’t bear to see that the site of my dad holding his gun shot wound, falling to his knees. I ran towards him, then fell to my knees like a soilder that had just been shot in war.
Dad looked at me wanly, and said “ I love you Karmen take care of yourself”
“Ricky!” I scream. Ricky was trying to get mom off ground and into the house.
She was in a paralyzed state of mind, staring at her high school sweetheart laying in a pool of his own blood- motionless.
I gave my dad a kiss on the forehead and whispered “I’m gonna take care of our family now I love you, goodbye.” I wiped the tears from my face and went inside of the house. It was is dead silent. I picked up the phone and dialed 911, the lady kept asking me all these questions; all I said was, “my dad got shot, and he’s dead.” Ricky’s face turned red for the first time as he bursted into tears. My mom was trying to comfort him but he pushed her off and bolted for the door. It took about an hour for the ambulance to show up and when they did, they came out of the truck with a black body bag and set my dad inside. The EMT’s threw him in the back of the truck like he was a sack of potatoes. They asked us a few questions, and then they were gone. They didn’t even bother to spray away the pool of blood that lives outside of our apartments porch. Ricky didn’t come home that night but was there when we woke up. He looked horrible- his face bruised and swollen. As he slowly moved his kneck I saw he had dad‘s 38th st. Tattoo on his neck. My mom filled with rage; “are you stupid didn’t you see where that life took your dad? Someone has the support our family now!” Mom smacked Ricky aross the face with no remorse. The hand print appeared instantly. Ricky then got up and went to the door, opened it, looked mom dead in the eye, and slamed the door behind him as he left in a whim. I sat on the couch all day and thought of what I could’ve done to save dad, but now I’m thinking about how I can save Ricky. I can’t lose him too. Ricky is almost 19, he stayed at home for mom and me because dad was always gone. Ricky is a good kid he just gets pressured easily so I knew I needed to do something fast.
I slept on the couch, Ricky slept on a small ruged mattress on the ground next to the couch, and my mom slept in the one room we have. It was about midnight, and I heard voices outside the front door. It was Ricky and someone else, they were arguing, almost screaming at each other. I put my head under the pillow and tried to block out the noise. A couple of minutes later I heard Ricky trying to put the key into the door, I jumped up and locked the door,
he immediately yells through the door; “why are you up so late!” I laid down and started making a plan for tomorrow. I’m going to follow Ricky everywhere and anywhere he goes, to see what he’s really up to.
I wake up before everyone to make toast because that’s all we have. Ricky wokes up, took a shower, got dressed and grab some toast. He said he loves me, then left. I ran to the window as soon as he turned the corner. Quietly I ran after him. I followed him for about 30 minutes, wandering through downtown. he walked into a storage garage which of course is on 38th St. I was guessing it was a clubhouse or something. I went up to the door, and I didn’t hear anything. So slowly open the creaky door, when I entered the creepy building i filled with fear. A man was pointing a shot gun at me and another guy was holding a gun at Ricky’s head. The two guys are scram “what are you trying to pull Ricky, do you wanna end up like your dad?” Ricky spit, but he couldnt do anything. The guy hit him with the back of his gun. Ricky fell to the ground. I started crying and screaming they quickly pushed me out. I’m was screaming for Ricky.
A few minutes later the door opened, and Ricky walked out “Karmen what are you…” *crack crack crack* Ricky grabed his chest and started falling. I ran to him and helped him get off the ground.
“Call 911 my brother has been shot.” This can’t be happening again!
Not again. “Ricky! Ricky!” I shook his body trying to get a response but nothing. Just a motionless body in a pool of blood. Now it’s going to happen “I love you Ricky” I kissed him on the forehead what the tears running down my face, “you’re going to be safe with dad now,” me and mom will be with you soon.