How to Make Friends and Connections



1. Give people a fine reputation to live up to. Build other up, not bring them down.

Think of a time where someone brought you down?  How did you feel about this person? *Think of a person to “elevate” and think of exactly what you are going to do and say to them. Bonus: Think about something that needs correcting and two things that are going well. extra bonus:  with someone you have a difficult history with

2. Encourage others to talk about themselves. This helps people like and trust you.

What is your dream …., how many siblings do you have, how many animals do you have, what kind of food do you like, what kind of music, are you close with your family

3. Be genuinely interested in other people. Be curious, show empathy.

4. Don’t resist people, agree first. This avoids resistance and opens them up.

5. Appel to the persons desire to do good.

6. Talk in terms of other persons interest. What benefit do they get when interacting with you?

7.  Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. 

8. Ask questions instead of giving orders. This makes the other people feel important and it feels like their idea.

9. Use encouragements and make their faults easy to correct.

10. If you want people to like you, you must like them first!



But you’re not alone: many people grapple with vulnerability. If you tend to keep things bottled up or ignore problems, it’s important to learn how to be vulnerable. Not only is it key to emotional change, but vulnerability can also help you make friends, learn new perspectives, and succeed in therapy.

When you feel yourself approaching a vulnerable moment, don’t clench. Don’t put up the wall and the pretenses that’ll keep you hidden, but rather give yourself permission to experience the feelings that you’ll have as a consequence of your vulnerability, good or bad. Whether if it’s not bailing from an intimate moment with a person, sharing a hard truth you’re not proud of, not fluffing a situation a bit to make yourself seem better, or sharing something embarrassing, accept that you’ll have to eventually get used to those kinds of emotions, so today might as well be the day.

It’s a sucky feeling when you share a part of yourself and you get rejected or, worse yet, are met with indifference. But the thing is, that’s all that the consequence is: A varying level of hurt. While that’s not ideal, you know that you have the emotional strength to pull yourself back up by your socks and deal with it. You might have to lick a couple of wounds, but you’re strong. You have enough in you to handle the worst.

And that’s how you free yourself to become vulnerable: By having the knowledge that even if there’s a backlash or a disappointing answer, you can work your way through it and get back to the other side. So it’s worth the shot.

Be the real deal, be vulnerable (exposing yourself).  If you don’t open up to people, people won’t open up to you.  Think about a challenge or difficult time in your life you would be willing to share.  Try it out with the group!


Watch the video below about step #5

Be the real deal, be vulnerable.  People think sincerity (honest to yourself and others, not fake) transparency (show how you feel, not closed off) and capacity for understanding (empathy, no judgement) are great qualities.  If you don’t open up to people, people won’t open up to you. Truly feel that you are

Be the real deal, be vulnerable (exposing yourself).  If you don’t open up to people, people won’t open up to you.  Think about a challenge or difficult time in your life you would be willing to share.  Try it out with the group!


Watch the video about 5 science backed ways to be more likable

Watch the video below about step #4

Highlight similarities, we did an exercise where you met with a person to highlight similarities.  This can be likes and dislikes. Most people got 1-3 similarities in 2 minutes.  Meet with another person and try to get more! You will get points if you think of things that no else has

human, male or female, Eugene, go to Connections, breath oxygen, citizens of USA, skin, Oregon, organs, breath air, like to smile, eat food, sleep, drink water, feel weather, don’t like feeling lonely, don’t like feeling ill, sports, memes, education, work, what do for fun/hobbies, emotions, pets, movies/entertainment, music in common, games, youtube, food, likes/dislikes, family, ask what inspires them, 


Remember that “trying too hard” is a good thing.  If people don’t respond well to that, leave the be because they are not ready to connect.

Were you able to signal to someone else that you like them and would like to get to know them better? Watch step #1 on the video below.

Watch the video below about step #2, We like people who like us!

If you like more people, the more people will like you.  Think of 4 people, 2 you really like already and 2 you don’t like to be around.  Write down things you like about them.

Watch the video below about step #3, Use the similarity attraction effect

We like people who like what we like.  Remember this when interacting with people who are not like you.  This can be challenging.  Have a two minute conversation with someone you don’t know well in a breakout room.  This may be uncomfortable but this is where learning happens.


List ways you can signal to others that you are interested in getting to know them better:

glances, I like you, give and take in a conversation, ask questions about their life, find something you have in common, stay on topics that are of mutual interest, use social media to connect at first, smile, tiling towards them, shake hands, gentle touch their arm, lean in, open arms, remove obstacles


Part 1 Fundamental Techniques with handling people

Think about what others want, use that bait to attract others, make it an eager want, they don’t care about what you want

Think of someone you want to connect with.  Spend 2 minutes thinking about what they want. 

Part II 6 Ways to make people like you

Ask question about other’s lives, everyone has their own lives and dreams. Be genuinely interested in someone else’s life. 

Think of someone you have not connected with.  Spend 2 minutes thinking about a question you are going to ask them to get to know them better.

Part III  How to win people to your way of thinking

Don’t defend yourself, admit you were wrong! and apologize.  Spend 2 minutes thinking of a time that you wronged someone and think about how to admit and apologize.

Part IV How to change people without them resenting you

Reflect on your personal experiences and be a role model.  Talk about your own mistakes first. Spend 2 minutes thinking about a time you gave unsolicited advice and can change your own behavior to be role model.


How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. In 2011, it was number 19 on Time Magazine’s list of the 100 most influential books.

  1. Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.
  2. Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
  3. Increase your popularity.
  4. Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
  5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
  6. Enable you to win new clients, new customers.
  7. Increase your earning power.
  8. Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
  9. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
  10. Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
  11. Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.
  12. Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

In this class we will learn different strategies to improve our interactions with people and then practice them during the week.

This week the away work is to give genuine, specific compliments/positive statements to objects or people to practice.

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