The spot by the river by Bernice p.m
I took my drawing journal out and the first image I see is of my mother holding light blue roses. I vividly remember the last moment I had with her. Her last words, “Everyone has their own meaning of what love is. You know that I wasn’t happy with Dad for a while, but I kept trying for you, and I still love Dad just not in that way.” I remember feeling something strange in my stomach when those words came out of her mouth. Not in a bad way, it made me feel safe. Like I could actually have something to look forward to in my life and that it has a purpose. I snap out of it and see that it’s the evening, which means supper. I start to bike home with my baby blue bike. It reminds me of my mom because that was her favorite color. I always enjoy biking through all the rustic houses and feeling the wind run through my curly dark brown hair. I’m an only child, so I don’t hear much sound from my house.
“Dad, I’m home. Do you need help painting the rooms?” “Yeah, Tobe come on in, I’m using the color baby bl-”
“Please, don’t call me that, how many damn times do I have to tell y-”
“Hey don’t start giving me an attitude now son I’m sorry I-I ju-just I know that your mom used to call you that, and I don’t say it to hurt you. You just mean so much to me, and your mother would have loved to have seen the walls being painted with her favorite color of all time. I will call you Tobias if that’s what you want.”
“I’m sorry dad. I wa-was just at ‘the’ spot by the river. I was looking back at a drawing of mom holding her light blue roses when it was her birthday and her last moment with me before you came in the hospital room was vividly shown in my head and I just feel like I can’t do it anymore without her.”
“Oh Tobias, come here. I believe that you can make it. You know that she would want you to move on and take care of yourself, she would also want what’s best for you. You’re a good son and you deserve the best. If you want we don’t have to paint your room that co-”
“Thank you, Dad. Also, I want us to go through with it. Mom would also want to.” “Yeah okay, let’s start in my room.”
I take the big, soft paint brush and start to swipe the wall and I let out one of the biggest smiles ever. I feel so good.
“I know exactly how you feel, Tobias. I feel like we should have done this a while ago because it feels super relieving.”
“Dad?”
“Yes Tobias?”
“Call me Tobe. I was way too hard on you. All I could see was my last moment with her. I felt like I was about to break. She called me Tobe all the time and you’re my dad. You care about me as well.” “I understand. If that’s what you want th-”
“Yes, it’s exactly what I want. And thank you dad. I’ve just been feeling like there’s something I’m not doing right and I can’t figure it out. It’s bothering me so much.”
“ Tobe?”
“Yes?”
“You know that whatever is going on with you I’m willing to listen. Right?” “Yes dad. Thank you. I love you”
“Of course son, now let’s take a break.”
After a 30 minute break, I begin to help dad with supper and we finish up my room. I start getting ready for bed, when my phone starts to ring. Ada is Facetiming me? “Tobias! Hello I think someone must have found your spot at the river.”
“What? Did anyone carve out anything on the tree, or even write anything on the rocks?” “I don’t know exactly, but Carmen told me there was some writing on a rock. She was there during theatre because she was blowing off some steam, since she didn’t get the piano part in the play, since this kid Elio did.”
“What did it say?”
“The picture she sent me says, “I deserve to feel free; I just can’t even admit it to myself. It feels so much easier to just write this on here.” It is signed -E. “It’s a coming out thing. Isn’t it?”
“I actually think yes, I don’t know why but even in those short words, I feel that same exact way, You know because you’re the only person I have told. ”
“You should try to communicate with them so that they feel supported you know. This is so hard to deal with.”
“I could write something too on the rock. Obviously not say who I am or do you think I should so they could phy-”
“I love your mind, but remember they could feel scared. They could feel like they aren’t ready just yet. You could just leave a letter ‘T’.”
“No-no you’re right, Ada I’ll take it easy.”
“Bye! Love you T!”
“Love you too, bye.”
I bike to the ‘my’ spot and get out a thick green marker and start to write, “E, I like boys and girls. T”