“Surviving the Night”
“You can drop me off over here,” sitting in the back of my sister’s car, I didn’t want to go back to the house with them in it.It was too nice outside to sit in glum.
“Over here?” Shiloh said, slowing the car down to the right in front of the college field.
“Yup.. perfect,” giving no exact direction or location.
She pulled in to a street I used to walk down when I lived in the hotel down 11th.The sun was shining so beautiful, so perfect;it consuming any darkness that might have been in sight, the air, cool to the touch but warm when standing in the rays of the sun.Smelling the flowers, dirt,trees;that nature smell mixed with all smells caused by human activities nearby;mainly food.It was overwhelming, such a scene.
“Bye Booo. Love you. Thank you for today”, I said stumbling to get myself and my stuff out of the car.
“Bye, love you. text me,” she said trailing away.
I looked back and waved, but somehow the white car I just got out of had already left and I ended up awkwardly waving at a white car that had just pulled up. Rough.
“Ohhhhh I gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee!” I sung to myself as I rushed over to the Subway across the street. Times like this are always rough because you always got those people who just gotta be petty like ummm….it’s for customers only, literally watching me go through the ‘strugs’.They’d rather watch me struggle then to just let me go. Lucky for me, when I walked in, the girl, she didn’t see me at first…….but then she did.
“Could I just use the restroom?”
“Ummm….” ,she hesitated, “Yeah. Are you gonna order anything? “
“ Ummmmm, probably not,” I replied, unsure on my way to the bathroom. For some reason everytime I use the bathroom in stores or food places, I always think about if they think I’m gonna bomb the place or shoot it up or something, like if I give off that vibe.I always try to smile, but unless it is genuine, you can always tell its fake and I just end up coming off creepy.
Walking down the street, lil ole me, I felt good today; like nothing could really touch today.Wearing my spaghetti strap onesie and my grey camouflage sweatpants; hair not done.I brought the boo’s black sweater to cover up the hickies on my neck and chest, but it was too hot to be wearing that so I had to wear them proudly.I thought of who would be free to chill with me. I know I’m bored when I find myself looking at other people’s Snapchat stories, watching other people live their lives.I saw my friend Tay’s Snap that said there was a pool party happening at the 616. The 616 is the college apartments downtown they have a pool on the roof. I hit him up thinking to myself that I don’t have a bathing suit but a onesie might work.I began walking quickly towards the 616 after he told me to come over.He always took so long to come down, forcing me to stand awkwardly in front of the building while everyone who has a key goes in staring at me.Finally, he came down and we headed up on the elevator.
After the normal greetings and catching up activity wise, we were left sitting on the couch watching a movie that had just came out; a sequel.
“Want some molly?” he said picking up a little dime bag with little off white pebbles and and powder in it.I had never done this before and was nervous as hell, but my body language didnt let me show it.
“Sure. just not a lot…..What does it make you do? Like how does it make you feel?” I ask watching him grab some of the white powder and roll it at the edge of his fingers forming a little ball.
“It can make you hallucinate, i’ve only experienced that a few times , other than that I just feel relaxed.” he told me
He handed me the little pebble and I asked him how I was supposed to take it.
“Do I smoke it or something do I just eat it?”
“Yeah, you just suck on it” he said looking at me like I was stupid.
I put it in my mouth.
“Oh my gosh… this is disgusting, what the fuck ….damn this is really bad.” I exaggerated only a little.It tasted like what I imagined; battery juice or gasoline would taste like. He chuckled, smirking at me.
“ That the one thing that taste is prolly the worst,” I punch him in the arm
“ You ass.” Looking at him like wow. I took a breath mint out of my bag to try to erase the taste; it helped a little.
An hour or two passed and the movie ended.
“How long does it take to hit, the molly?” I asked him feeling nothing from it.
“You don’t feel nothing?” he said sitting up straight on the couch.
“Nope.” He began opening the bag to reach for more, for me I assumed.He handed to me. I ate it fast, the taste just as bad as the first time if not worse.Another breath mint.He had gotten up when he heard his phone ringing.In the distance I heard him talking to someone about having to meet up tonight.I traced back and forth through the apartment listening.He came out finally.
“I gotta go meet with a friend of mine in a few minutes”
“Alright” I said gathering my things.The power went out.
“The powers out,” I told him
He stood flickering the lights.
“We gotta go” he said in an alarming voice.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
He looked at me.
“The powers out and I’m supposed to have all of my stuff out of here by tomorrow morning.Someone might be coming in here to check.”
“Ohh, okay. Let’s go.” rushing myself out the door as he followed.
When we got outside we just broke apart without even saying goodbye.He crossed the street and I just kept walking down the the intersecting one.This was most likely because there was a police car at the stop light right in front of the apartments and we were the only ones to be seen in the area.We just froze.Weird.
I began walking and immediately I remembered I forgot my Boo’s turtle neck on his counter.
“Fuck!” I outraged, disappointed, “ I would leave it, that just perfect; too perfect” I continued on as I walked about down the street.I took my phone out and texted him, noticing my battery percentage was getting low low .He told me he would be back later,but like late later,at midnight.It was a whole ten o’ clock . I contemplated coming back in the morning to get it but my chances were that I get it tonight, or I would never see it again.I couldn’t just tell the Boo “oh I just left your sweater that you gave me to borrow at my guy friend’s house.” So I decided to wait.I wanted to walk around anyway…kinda.
An hour had went by and my phone had died,the molly had hit which made everything that was happening feel one-hundred times worse than it probably was,which was just what I needed. I walked all over downtown looking for an outlet when a thought came to me, Why I couldn’t find one even though I had looked around everywhere. The city had been cracking down on the homeless population all over. People like me looking for a charge over night. I had seen where all the outlets had been everywhere, even outlets just no power.The city’s smart. But I needed one tonight.It was cold, really cold, I began to feel like I had no place to go back to how everyone was looking at me.The people in the 7/11 looked at me how I see them look at the people who have given up on life. I finally found one at the hotel I used to live at a few years ago.It was hiding behind a chair next to an outside fridge.I moved the chair and plopped down on the floor. I was freezing and so tired. My phone charged to one percent and turned it on.I felt like the last person on the planet looking for an outlet, sitting on the cold floor looking rough.I texted him. It was twelve past midnight.I was upset, he said he’d be back at twelve.He hit me back back and arrived within the next ten minutes.I walked across the street to wait for him to walk up.We were both exhausted.He seemed high, but in a different way;like every move he made or how he talked seemed unnatural for him.He was a zombie man.When we got up to the apartment, I found my sweater on the counter where I had left it.I began flickering the lights knowing they wouldn’t work.
“Damn, that’s crazy” I dragged my words walking from the living room to his bedroom.When I got to his room I flicked the switch hopelessly and it actually came on.
“Ayeee.They didn’t want you watching tv or cooking shit, hahahahaha”, I laughed.
“I’m finna roll one then I’ma go to sleep,” he told me, words slurring almost.
“Alrighty” I took my shoes off thinking about how I didn’t want to smoke anymore, or do nothing but just go to sleep.I didn’t like getting so high to the point where I had no control over my actions, but we were going to sleep and smoking always speeds up the process for me.
“Alright where’s your air mattress?” I said laughing knowing we were both going to end up sleeping in his bed.
“Ummm….” he looked at me like I shoulda known what was going to happen.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” I laughed getting into the bed.
He got up and turned the light off.He didn’t roll one, I was a little confused, but that just worked out to my advantage because sleep sounded like a dream right about now.I looked up at him as he took off his pants and shirt and got in the bed.I had hoped that he didn’t think anything was about to happen because ain’t nothing was finna happen whether he knew it or not.I laid on my back and fell asleep. Nothing happened.I was very glad nothing had happened because I wouldn’t of been able to live peacefully with it. I got up and gathered my stuff still wearing my sweatpants, sweater on this time, hair a complete mess.I said goodbye and was on my way.I almost could remember where the elevator was; I walked the wrong way the first time, but then turned around and got it.In the elevator. I applaud myself for not having done anything.My loyalty had pulled through and it felt hella good.I began walking down the street the sun was more beautiful than yesterday and the breeze felt like a taste of heaven.It felt like a movie; everything that had happened.It was finally over.I wanted to do a breakfast club jump, but that was way to corny for the moment.I thought about it and laughed out loud.I felt dizzy like I was still high, I was just excited to get home.