Cold december night

Sky is white, snow sticks to snow

Inside by the fire

All wrapped up reading my book

Daisy jumps up to join me

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Standing all alone 

Im wishing for your presence

You are everywhere

But nowhere at the same time 

I’ve always been here, come back

 

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the constant ache of feeling like 

you’re drowning

grasping for something to hold onto 

in the midst of emptiness

embracing the stillness before the storm crying out 

in the rain for no one to hear

the crisp air in the quiet of the night one heart beating 

for something you’ll never get back

a love for someone as cold as ice

searching for a way out of this silent mistake

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Hillview is like any other high school. You have the hierarchy and the not so hierarchy. I of course fit into the lower part of that chain. I’m not what you would call popular, but don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total loser either. I just don’t stand out and I’m ok with that. My life wasn’t always the most exciting. I wasn’t the pretty, popular, outgoing, cheerleader that you see in the movies. For the most part I kept to myself and focused on what my parents said was important. Everything felt normal until I met him. The school’s golden boy, Jay Dee Keller, just your usual jock cute but very narcissistic. I swear he played every sport known to man-kind. Everything about him was perfect, not that it mattered to me anyways. I’m sure he doesn’t know my name or that I even exist. I didn’t belong in his world, we were complete opposites. Every girl pined over him. Honestly I don’t get why, I mean, yeah he’s cute but that’s all. It probably sounds like I care but I don’t trust me. 

“Lexi. Lexi, hello?” I snap back into reality when I hear my best friend calling my name. 

“What were you thinking about?” she says with a smirk on her face. 

I shrug “Oh nothing, what’s up?” 

“So please tell me you changed your mind and you’re not still planning on going to that lame camp next week.” 

I can see in her face how much she doesn’t want me to go and I totally understand why. I’m her best friend and I’m leaving for the whole summer to go to camp when we usually spend the summer together laying around watching Netflix, eating junk food, and gossiping. 

“My answer is still the same as every other day you’ve asked me, yes I’m still going to camp.” 

She gives me a look that’s supposed to make me feel bad and it kinda works but I’m not changing my mind. Summer is just around the corner and my parents signed me up for this camp. They said it would be good for me and it actually sounds like fun, so I’m looking forward to it.

 As we’re driving towards camp, the closer we get the more nervous I am. I don’t know why. I guess the thought of spending the summer with a bunch of strangers scare me, but I mean, shouldn’t it? My mom is sitting in the driver’s seat when she looks over towards me and shoots me a smile that makes me feel more nervous than I was ten seconds ago. 

“You’re going to have a great time, I promise.” 

I hope so I think to myself. 

“Ok we’re here,” my mom says as we’re pulling up to the camp. 

My mom helps me move my bags to the room where I’ll be staying in. There were already multiple girls in there unpacking. I said goodbye to my mom and started to get to know the girls. They were all extremely nice and welcoming. We all headed to the main lounge to meet everyone else and the camp counselors. The head counselor gathered everyone together and went over all the rules and everything we’d be doing this summer. He even said that his main goal is to make sure everyone has a great summer. As he was talking, I gazed around the room to see if there were any faces I recognized. My eyes spotted one person and I was shocked to see it was Jay Dee Keller.

 He caught me looking at him and I turned my head quickly hoping he didn’t notice. I was too scared to look back to see if he was still looking. When the meeting was over some of the girls and I went back to our cabin, sat around and talked. 

“So I was thinking that later tonight we all sneak out and go down to the lake with some of the guys and play truth or dare something.” one of the girls said. 

Everyone looked at each other, smiling.  “I think that’s a great way to kick off our first night here.” Everyone agreed, except for me, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, what if we get caught” I said. 

Maddi stands up and turns toward me, “Come on, Lexi it’ll be fun, don’t you wanna have fun?” 

I was never the type to break rules, but maybe I should every once in a while. I jump to my feet with excitement, “ok I’m in!” 

Later that night we all met up at the lake, there were twelve of us. As you can imagine I was surprised to see Jay down here what was he even doing here at camp in the first place I would of never thought he was in to stuff like this. The game ended pretty quick, then all of a sudden everyone was jumping into the lake half naked, well not everyone. I look over to see Jay looking at me so I shoot him a little half smile. 

He comes and sits by me, “You crazy enough to go in with the rest” he says while laughing. 

I start laughing, “absolutely not.” 

Jay seemed different I don’t know exactly what it was but he was just really nice. Everyone who was in the lake started to head back to their cabins. Jay and I ended up spending the whole night sitting at the edge of the lake talking. I opened up and told him everything about me and he did too. I was surprised to see that he was not who I thought he was. He was caring and overall just perfect. In that moment sitting there with him watching the sun rise, there was nowhere else I’d rather be. We didn’t only have that one perfect night together, there were many more. We spent the whole summer together. Everyday was a new adventure. By this time summer was coming to an end and I was completely in love. It was the last day of camp and everyone was saying their goodbyes. 

Jay is holding me tight in his arms and says, “this summer has been nothing but perfect with you, I wouldn’t have given it up for anything. You have become such an important part of my life, I love you.” 

His hug felt different in a way, like he was hugging me for the last time. 

“I love you too, Jay. I’ll see you at school next week.” 

He pulls away and looks at me, “Yeah, I’ll see you at school.” 

That was the last time I saw Jay Keller, he went missing a day before school started. Nothing ever felt the same for me after that summer, it was as if my whole world was torn apart. No one knew what had happened to him, he was just gone. 

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