what hurts the most

Posted November 26th, 2018 by acuddy01
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ’em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin’ on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’ what could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was trying to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doing it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up, gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’ what could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was trying to do, oh
What hurts the most was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’ what could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was trying to do
That’s what I was trying to do
                                                          – Rascal Flatts

Suicide isn’t cowardly

Posted November 26th, 2018 by acuddy01

Suicide isn’t cowardly I’ll tell you what is cowardly, Treating people so badly that they want to end their lives.

                                                  -Ashley Purdy

I imagine you

Posted November 21st, 2018 by acuddy01

I can feel your smile rest upon my face and I can feel the warmth and gentleness of your embrace I can hear your laughter its music to my ears and your voice still whispers to me and wipes away my tears I imagine you right here with me the one and only place you are meant to be this is your home here in my heart but fate has been unkind and time has kept us apart so, imagine you right here with me I remember that sparkle that dances in your eyes when something makes you happy just to be alive I remember your spirit and how it set me free how the tender side of you put me at ease I imagine you right here with me the one and only place you are meant to be here in my heart but fate has been unkind and time has kept us apart so, imagine you right here with me<3

Demons

Posted November 13th, 2018 by acuddy01

I think I hit the point in life where I’m just done. I cried I fought, I tried, but everything is crashing down. My demons are screaming louder, trying to eat away the rest of me. And this time, I’m not going to fight back… 

Slowly dying

Posted November 13th, 2018 by acuddy01

I don’t know how much more I can take before I snap and take it all away,

I don’t want to deal with this pain anymore,

I feel like if I don’t leave soon my life itself will end.

I’m slowly dying from the tears I’ve cried, and no one seems to care.

Take me away from here before I end myself…

You are the reason!

Posted October 25th, 2018 by acuddy01
There goes my heart beating
‘Cause you are the reason
I’m losing my sleep
Please come back now
There goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I’m still breathing
I’m hopeless now
I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh, ’cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
There goes my hand shaking
And you are the reason
My heart keeps bleeding
I need you now
If I could turn back the clock
I’d make sure the light defeated the dark
I’d spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe
And I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh, ’cause I need you to see
That you are the reason, oh
(I don’t wanna fight no more)
(I don’t wanna hurt no more)
(I don’t wanna cry no more)
(Come back, I need you to hold me closer now) 
You are the reason, oh
(Just a little closer now) 
(Come a little closer now)
(I need you to hold me tonight)
I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
‘Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason

Trying not to love you.

Posted October 5th, 2018 by acuddy01

So I sit here divided, just talking to myself was it something that I did? Was there somebody else? When a voice from behind me, that was fighting back tears sat right beside me, and whispered right in my ear tonight I’m dying to tell you that I’m trying not to love you, only went to far trying not to need you, was tearing me apart now I see the silver lining, of what we’re fighting for and if we just keep on trying, we could be much more cause trying not to love you, only makes me love you more.

Ghost.

Posted October 5th, 2018 by acuddy01

She died years ago, didn’t you realize you buried her years ago? When you sent her to bed for the last time, and filled her last moments with tears, she died, I am her ghost.

It’s not her

Posted October 4th, 2018 by acuddy01

Her heart was once full happy and joyful. It became empty and dull. Her eyes ,once bright became void. And her real smile was not existent not happy not real just hurt just depressed. But she got used to it. And it became part of her.

Dead.

Posted October 3rd, 2018 by acuddy01

Dead.I slowly die from all the times I’ve cried, I’ve cried for you, you look at me with your beautiful eyes you look right through me like I was never alive, I am invisible I always will be to you for some reason I knew I would always be like this to you, I wish you were missing me like I was missing you, But no matter what I do Im always dead to you.